Divorced, and Spectacularly Single!
Change Your Interpretation of What It Means To Be Alone
Being alone after a difficult marriage could mean you are a failure… or it could mean you made a hard choice to improve the quality of your life. If you are getting over an infidelity, being alone could mean you are undesirable… or it could mean that your ex’s behavior was outside your control, and has no bearing on who you are or how beautiful you are. Being a divorced mom could mean you always stay home alone on weekend nights … or it could mean that you use your time alone to do something dynamic like go back to school, volunteer in the community or start a business.
How you feel about being alone depends on your interpretation of being alone – and you can just as easily have truthful and positive interpretations as you can have negative ones. Gift yourself with a new interpretation of what it means to be alone. Can it mean being free? Being happy? Being strong? Mysterious? Sexy? Smart? Take some time to write down all the positive things being alone could mean, if you were to allow it. The next time you start to tell yourself that being alone is all bad, look at your list and go for a new interpretation.
It’s Time to Ask a Different Set of Questions
Questions are powerful. They are the impetus for awareness and action. They can lead to something beautiful, or they can keep you mired in your divorce muck – it all depends on the type of questions you are asking yourself. The questions you ask yourself lead to the thoughts you think, which lead to what you focus on, which creates the life you live. If you want to find peace and pleasure in being alone, look at the questions you are asking. Do you ever hear yourself wondering, ‘Why did he leave?’; ‘Why wasn’t I enough?’; ‘How will I ever survive on my own?’ ‘Who will ever want me again?’ While these questions may seem natural to ask, if they dominate your thoughts they won’t help you create a healthy life after divorce. In fact, you won’t even get any real answers from these types of questions. What you will get is lower self-esteem, frustration and a painful life.
Instead, ask a healthier set of questions. ‘Who do I want to be as a divorced mom?’; ‘What is beautiful about being a mother alone?’; ‘What do I love about myself?’ ‘What are my unique gifts and talents?’; ‘In what ways can I contribute?’ When you shift to these more inspiring questions, you will begin to take back control of your life. You will feel happier because these types of questions will lead you to think about what is possible. As a result, you will take more action in the direction of your dreams, and your life will expand in ways you never thought possible. Next time you catch yourself asking disempowering questions, consciously switch to more empowering questions. Bonus points for asking those around you to ask you empowering questions as well!
Divorced moms who make the leap from ‘suffering alone’ to ‘embracing alone’ are the most radiant and powerful women in the room. They truly are spectacularly single. They are no longer haunted by the negatives of being alone, nor are they at its mercy. Instead, they are blissfully busy enjoying their newfound freedom, energy and optimism. If you want to feel the awesome pride and pleasure of a being a woman alone, take the leap. You’re in good company.
Written by: Jeanie Rule, Founder and CEO of SoloMama.com