Ways to Rebuild Your Self Confidence After Divorce
Ways to rebuild your self confidence after divorce are imperative for survival. Separation or divorce can take its toll on our self-esteem. Even if you initiated the divorce you can experience tremendous emotional turmoil along with guilt, anxiety and insecurity. Those who were caught off guard or did not choose the break-up can come away feeling psychologically battered, confused and questioning their own worth.
Ways To Rebuild Your Self Confidence After Divorce
It’s hard to tackle these burdens alone. A support group, private coach, professional counselor or other similar resources will be very valuable in reminding you that 1) you are not alone in your experiences or feelings and 2) there is a brighter future ahead for you – if you take proactive steps in that direction.
While family and friends are usually very well-intentioned, their support may not always be valuable for you. They have their own agendas, perspectives and values about marriage, family and divorce. What you most need at this difficult time is a support system that is compassionate and knowledgeable about skills and resources that will move you into a more positive chapter in your life.
Here are a few suggestions to guide you in boosting your self-esteem during the divorce and its aftermath.
Focus on releasing the past:
If you stay stuck in reliving and clinging to what no longer is your reality, you will not open the door to the next chapter in your life. There will be better, brighter days ahead – if you allow that awareness into your experience. Make space in your life for new friends, relationships, career options and fulfilling activities. Look for and expect new opportunities in new places. See the future as a positive beginning for you and your children. You’ll be pleasantly surprised about what you can create when you anticipate good things ahead.
Be selective in choosing your friends and companions:
We can’t easily change other people, but we can change the people we associate with. If your social group isn’t supportive of you, or tends to wallow in self-pity, realize you have a choice in your life about who you spend time with. Choose instead aware, introspective people who accept responsibility for their own behavior and proactively move ahead in transforming their lives. Move out of the blame game and put yourself in the company of positive people with high self-esteem who can appreciate you, with all your assets and baggage, as the wonderful person you are. You may find these people where you least expect them. So step out of your comfort zone – and be receptive to new friends and new experiences.
Allow Change into Your Life
Life is always filled with changes, not just during divorce. Get comfortable with the unknowns ahead and accept that change is inevitable. While dark periods are tough to handle, realize they too will fall away and be replaced with better days and new relationships. Listen to your self-talk. Let go of limiting beliefs about yourself. When you catch yourself in doubt, fear or put-down language, become aware of that message and consciously refute it. Remember you are a worthy parent, you can attract a new loving partner, because you deserve to be happy in relationships. My children love me and know how much I love them. Determine what you want to change about yourself from within so relax about controlling circumstances around you. When you come to accept the reality of changes in your life, you’ll feel more at peace with yourself and those around you.
Life is all about choices and decisions. Use your divorce as a catalyst for positive change. Choose to be the person and parent you most want to be. As a result, watch how circumstances around you settle into place more harmoniously than you ever expected.
Written By: Rosalind Sedacca, Founder, Child-Centered Divorce: www.childcentereddivorce.com
About the Author:
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Divorce & Parenting Coach, Founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children — with Love! For her free ebook on Post-Divorce Parenting: Success Strategies for Getting It Right! and other valuable resources on divorce and parenting go to: www.childcentereddivorce.com.