Thinking about getting a divorce? Three must do self-care tips to start today!
Are you thinking this is the end of your marriage? Questioning if your marriage is salvageable? Feeling confused about your marital future? If you are contemplating divorce whether it’s a thought floating across your mind about leaving your marriage or perhaps it is the straw that broke the camel’s back or a knee-jerk moment, self-care is a must that needs to be integrated and included within your contemplation.
1) Jot it down! Document! Document! Document! In a safe manner, jot it all down; starting today!
We have all heard about creating the pro and con listing when processing a choice but this goes beyond that strategy. Jotting down your thoughts, feelings and creating a strategic plan is important to ensure that both sides of your brain are communicating. The left side and right side of your brain each function in a different way when you are faced with a challenge. Both need to be engaged at this time.
The left side is the rational thinking side and the right side is the emotional memory side. When your system triggers the fight or flight response, the two side don’t connect anymore. Literally, the flow is interrupted.
The simple but profound act of taking a moment and jotting down your feelings, thoughts and planning ideas, engages the logical side. The more documentation about your current situation that you have, the better you can create a log that will help in the divorce process. (If you are in a situation where you feel that documenting your thoughts may not be safe, perhaps keeping the notebook with you in your car or on your person and password protecting your computer will give you a sense of peace.)
2) One Nurturing Item a Day!
The daily practice of filling YOU up each day is critical now. Do that one thing each and every day that provides the emotional oxygen and gives you a sense that you are important and cared for.
We’ve all heard the airplane instructions about putting your oxygen mask on first and then going to the aid of others. This is exactly the metaphor for you to envision each and every day as you contemplate this life-changing, heart-breaking decision.
So, what is it? A walk, yoga, a long bath or shower, perhaps a special meditation, wearing a special item? Or maybe reading for half an hour, a cup of tea or that special morning coffee… find your special something each day that gives you a sense of peace and wholeness. Commit to loving yourself through this time.
3) Thank you!
Two words that carry a powerful calming effect.
Cultivate a practice of saying thank you to yourself and the universe upon waking during the first moment in the morning.
When you open your eyes, mentally or out loud saying “thank you”, you are calling in the divine helpers. Having a sense of gratitude even about this crumby situation that you find yourself in, will create an awareness of self and it tunes you into your heart whisperings.
Coming to the decision to end a relationship or marriage is difficult and emotionally charged. Hosting a sense of gratitude, nurturing your mind, body and soul and ensuring both sides of your brain are triggering and engaged will add to your mind, body & soul wellness.
Remember that establishing a systematic approach to this decision-making helps you get out of reactionary mode and get into action mode, safe guarding you and keeping your awareness open and whole.
Written by: Kristen Darcy, Author, Fertility & Divorce Coach, and Speaker
About the Author:
Kristen Darcy is a noted author, coach, motivational speaker and expert on the emotional aspects of infertility and other life challenges.