Mind Your Ps (Purpose, Passion and Planning)!
Starting over after divorce is not for the faint of heart. It takes courage and persistence to redesign your life as a divorced mom! However, by focusing on your three Ps (Purpose, Passion and Planning) you will have the tools you need to get clear and confident about writing the next chapter of your life.
First P: Your Purpose:
Divorce offers the chance to start over fresh – and the mom who can redefine her purpose will be able to create a deeply meaningful life for herself and her family. Most divorced moms find the time away from their children shocking. Even mothers who have a fulfilling career outside of the home find the loss of time and contact with their children after divorce disturbing, leaving them to wonder what their true purpose is. The solution is to expand your definition of your life’s purpose. You are no longer a wife and married mother. Now you are someone different: you are a divorced mom who has new obligations and priorities. In order to expand your sense of purpose, ask yourself: What is my role in the family now? How can I best support and guide my children? Who do I want to be as a divorced mom? Who do I want to be as a single woman again? This does not mean that your children and family are not your priority or your first love. It means as a divorced mom you need to have an expanded sense of who you are.
Second P: Your Passion!:
After divorce passions of all kinds take a back seat to the daily demands of divorced-mom living. Chances are, if you are anything like the women I coach, your passions are buried under years of a difficult marriage, raising children and then a divorce. Your passions are extremely important, and integrating them into your new life is the ingredient that will make your life magical. If your life seems lackluster, start rekindling your passions. Spend time just noticing the types of things, people and places that inspire and energize you. What are you naturally drawn to? When are you at your best? What kind of activities are you doing when you lose track of time? These are clues to your hidden passions, and your road map to your new life.
Third P: Your Plan:
Many women fail to do this all-important step. Instead, they wish and hope for a great life, but they don’t develop the personal power to make it happen. You need a plan to be successful in anything in life, but most especially after divorce. A good plan will have three things: a clear vision; flexibility and measurability. Know where you want to be in one, three and five years from now. This will give you a long-range vision. Next, incorporate your purpose and passions. Leave out the ‘shoulds’ and go for the ‘wants’. Add flexibility to your plan. As all moms know, being flexible rules the day. When road blocks come up (and they will), get in the habit of asking ‘how can I do it anyway?’ Lastly, be sure your plan is measurable. Vague goals lead to vague results. Break down your larger goals with smaller goals, and check in every thirty days to make sure you are on track. If not, no worries. Get the support you need, and keep going!
In many ways, your divorce is a gift. It gives you a second chance to live your best life. It’s the perfect time to redefine your purpose, ignite new passions and set out in a new direction. Follow the three Ps and you will be well on your way to a new life you can be proud of.
Written by: Jeanie Rule, Founder and CEO of SoloMama.com