Managing the Divorce Roller Coaster
Divorce is a roller-coaster. Highs. Lows. Fears. Anxieties. Hopes for a better future.
There are several steps a divorcing person can take to gain control of this frequently chaotic process and runaway emotions:
(1) Be Proactive. Nothing creates a feeling of being out of control like being passive and letting things happen to you. When you step back and assume a pro-active stance, there is a shift from being controlled to taking charge. One way to do this during divorce is to gather the information you need to gather your professional team. Whether you hire a lawyer under retainer or hire a lawyer on an hourly-basis for consultation and document review, it is wise to be familiar with and understand your legal rights and responsibilities. If necessary, also consider speaking with a financial expert, a therapist, a divorce coach, or a mediation coach.
(2) Practice Self-Care. To weather the challenges of divorce, it is important to take care of yourself. This includes enough sleep, a nutritious diet, and creating and keeping in touch with a support team of trusted friends, family members, and professionals. If you feel overwhelmed by the demands of divorce related to paperwork and legal requirements, take a break and create a schedule for yourself that allows you to complete necessary legal documents but also respects your needs for rest and respite.
(3) Get Organized. It is an inescapable fact that divorce involves many legal requirements and lots of paperwork. Buy a three-ring binder and call it your “Brains Book.” Keep all your pertinent paperwork in this binder using color-tabbed separators to categorize different subjects and colored flags to highlight important numbers and points. Examples of different categories might be “Mortgage Information,” “Household Expenses,” and “Pay Stubs.” Also take a few moments of quiet, quality time and write down your thoughts on a notepad. What are your goals? Your priorities? Highlight important thoughts and use this narrative as a guide throughout the divorce process.
JoAnne Donner MS, CDFA, CDC, CDPC, Mediator/Mediation Coach/Divorce Coach
The Road to Resolution, Donner Mediation and Coaching LLC
About the Author:
JoAnne is a mediator and coach. Primarily working in the divorce field conducting divorce mediations and also offer divorce coaching and mediation coaching. A divorce coach helps a divorcing individual navigate the frequently complex and chaotic divorce process. A mediation coach helps a disputing party prepare for a mediation session. She has a Master’s degree in Conflict Management, and is a certified financial divorce analyst (CFDA), a certified divorce coach (CDC) and a certified conflict dynamics profile consultant (CDPC).