Five Traits to Being a Happy & Confident Divorced Mom
1. Be the Leader of Your Life
Take 100% responsibility for the direction of your life, no matter what your circumstances are. Taking responsibility doesn’t mean taking blame. It means understanding that you and you alone, drive the direction of your life. When you take responsibility for the quality and outcome of your life, you begin to feel your personal power again, and people and opportunities will begin to magnetize to you. Confident divorced moms are the leaders of their lives. You can be too.
2. Cultivate connection
Familiar social circles often fall away after divorce, and between raising the kids and working, many divorced moms find themselves suddenly very isolated. Cultivating connection is a must! Expand your idea of what connection is. Connection is not just about a partner or a circle of friends; it’s also about your connection to nature, to spirituality (however you define that), to art & beauty, to community, even connection to your own body & self. Find new & healthy ways to stay connected to the world and you will be infinitely happier.
3. Learn To Take Risks
If you’re like most of my newly-divorced clients, you probably want to rebuild your confidence and self-esteem. Taking reasonable risks is the way to get your confidence back. It’s through facing your fears, mastering tasks/events/decisions (that you thought you never could), that confidence and a renewed sense of self are restored. Risk is very different than recklessness. Risk will help you grow. Recklessness will destroy your life. I encourage regular risk taking. Enroll in that class you’ve been thinking about. Get the haircut. Go on the vacation, alone. Ask for the raise. Successful businesses grow because they take some risk. If you want a happier, more confident you, start with some reasonable risk.
4. Embrace Alone
Women who know how to do alone beautifully have more freedom and personal power than any other woman in the room. A woman who can be alone comfortably has more choice in her life. Embracing alone is much more than enduring lonely nights or long weekends, and it’s not about ticking off the hours between relationships. Embracing alone is about inhabiting the whole of your life, right now. Do interesting things. Stretch your mind. Find your passions. Make worthy mistakes. Really take yourself in, and appreciate all of who you are. Being alone is nothing to be afraid of. It’s an opportunity to expand who you are. Embrace it. It will bring you peace and pleasure and make you undeniably irresistible.
5. Get Real
Your life as a divorced mom is going to be very different than it was a married mom. Not necessarily worse, or better, just different. Set realistic, loving and kind expectations for yourself and your family. The happiest divorced moms are the ones who don’t fall into the trap of trying to keep up with the way things were. Things are different now. Play to that. Create a beautiful, new life that honors what you and your family need most.
Life as a divorced mom is a lot like running a marathon: you’ve got to go the distance, and though there will be plenty of people cheering you along from the sidelines, you are the one who needs to cross the finish line. So set yourself up for success. Make the changes necessary to bring in more happiness, wholeness and confidence. And then go run your race, and make us all proud.
Written by: Jeanie Rule, Founder and CEO of SoloMama.com