Living with Divorce and Children
Imagining life post-divorce is intimidating. The worry of the unknown can place a large amount of stress and fear in our hearts. The biggest worry for divorced Mothers is their children. How will they react to the divorce? Will they take sides? And eventually, how will they react to my dating again?
How do you continue living with divorce and children? Our expert guest blogger shares her advice with us about moving on as a new family unit.
Divorce Happens and Life Goes On!
Always let your children know that the divorce was between their dad and you. I have heard many a distressed child lament that it was “my” fault that mom and dad divorced. “I didn’t do my homework, I was mean to my sister, and I was in trouble at school”. Both you and your spouse need to reassure them that it isn’t their fault, rather you fell out of love, but “mom and dad will always love you.”
And, remember when you do decide to go out into the world again and date, your children may not be happy about this. They have a parent, the one you divorced, and in most cases, a new person coming in their lives is not always welcomed. Take your dating slow, until you feel sure that this new someone is really “the” one, don’t bring your children into the mix. It is more an exception, than the norm for children to not feel loyalty to a parent. They see themselves as being disloyal to the other parent if they embrace a new man in your life. Just take your time, don’t rush your relationship for yourself or your children.
Written by: Patricia Bubash
About the Author:
Patricia Bubash, received her Masters Degree from the University of MO. St. Louis. She is a Licensed Professional Counselor, and a Stephen Minster. For more than thirty years she worked in the educational setting as a teacher, counselor, parent advocate, and instructor for the community college in her area. Mrs. Bubash’s passion has been working with families and students. She led small divorce support groups for her students, presented workshops for parents on topics such as Blended Families, Remarriage during her years as a counselor. Her experiences in this area resulted in a book, Successful Second Marriages. She writes articles for various other sites, volunteers and travels.