How Do You Know It’s Time To Divorce?
No one wants to think that their marriage might be heading for divorce. The paperwork, legal fees, mental strain, disruption to routine, and potential custody or alimony battles are enough to put anybody off of making that confession to themselves. But, unpleasant and taxing as exploring the possibility of divorce can be, sometimes, it needs to be done. So how do you know when it’s time?
Obviously, the issue of divorce is intensely personal, and ultimately no one can make that decision about your marriage except for you and your spouse. However, keeping that in mind, there are a few general indicators that it might be the right time to at least consider divorce as one possible path.
Signs Your Marriage Might Need an Evaluation
1. There are no good times.
Everyone has off days, and everyone has flaws. It’s normal to occasionally snap, cry, and argue. But when the dark times consume the light, and you find yourself with one happy memory to ten painful ones, it might be time to ask yourself what you’re really getting out of this relationship. If your marriage is transforming you into a bitter, exhausted person, it’s not feeding you emotionally – it’s draining you.
2. Everything about them irritates you.
No two people are exactly alike, and even in a perfect relationship, you’re inevitably going to notice little traits and quirks that leave you thinking, “That’s a weak spot of his,” or, “I wouldn’t react in that way.” In a healthy relationship, you’re looking at a masterpiece – with a few little scuff marks here and there. When all you can see are the scuff marks, to the point where the quality of the painting is almost completely overshadowed, where’s the value in the piece? Find a painting you like – and allow the other painting to find a home where it can be appreciated.
3. You think about what-ifs constantly.
We all fantasize. But when you can’t seem to shut those dreams off, it might be an indicator that you aren’t truly happy with where you are. Thinking about ways to improve your life is one thing; thinking about being with anyone but him, anywhere but here, is another. If you want to escape, something is off.
4. The fighting gets dirty.
All couples fight. But there is such a thing as “good fighting” and “bad fighting.” In a good fight, while a few mean words might slip out in the heat of the moment, we at least try to focus on the issue; we apologize if we cause pain; we make sure to bond again after the bombs finish falling; and we move on together with new insight about what works and what doesn’t. A bad fight, on the other hand, is nothing but below-the-belt digs, and it can fester for hours, days, or even years. If your fights are consistently bitter and personal, it can be a sign that your problem is the person.
Writen by: Paul Maselli
Paul Maselli is a Princeton, NJ divorce attorney. He is a frequent author on family law issues.