8 Unconventional Divorce Tips

Going through a divorce doesn’t have to be ugly. Sometimes couples just realize it’s not going to work.  Here are some tips from our guest blogger to help you get through your divorce without feeling bitter or resentful.

Dave and I have been divorced for 18 years and what’s amazing is the quality of our divorce is what reaffirms marrying Dave was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The 10 years we were married were tumultuous and troubling. We had no idea how to do it but we knew we were in love. Finally, after splitting up and getting back together for what feels like 1,000 times we ran out of things to try to fix it. I don’t believe anyone who has been married, did so with the intention of getting divorced. We believed that ours was going to be forever too.

But when Dave and I realized our forever was not infinite we began feeling bad and apologetic for each other. “I’m so sorry this is not going to work out”, “I feel so badly that you are going to be all alone”, “I’m so sorry that you were depending on me and now you’ve got to begin the process of loving someone else all over again. ” We loved and cared for each other, but we were no longer in love. I remember when Dave and I made the decision to part ways. We both found the entire experience to be sad and frightening.

Even though we had a very civil and loving divorce, we had no idea what that meant for us going forward. Though the decision we had made was a joint one, we both mourned the loss of the “Happily Ever After” immediately.

Here is what we did to get through this rough and difficult time in our lives was:

1. Help each other to deal with the process by keeping our focus on the love we once shared, and the newfound love we were developing.
2. Try to make this sad and painful experience easier on the other person.
3. Remember what a great person we had married.
4. Take the focus off of ourselves and considered the family members and friends who didn’t have all of the information.
5. We made it easy on the people around us by allowing them to continue the love they had developed for each of us without feeling they had to take sides.
6. We still observe and honor our anniversary; we call it our Love day.
7. Be there for each other through the scary times of not having the other around all of the time.
8. Remember why you loved that person.

Written by: Lateefah Wielenga, PhD , The Coaching Kiva

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About the Author:

Lateefah Wielenga received her PhD in Depth Psychology, which examines the elements of art, literature, dreams, the imaginal, archetypes and our cultural-values, and how they affect human behavior. She works as a Life and Relationship Coach, helping couples communicate more effectively by teaching self-acceptance; and she offers Life Solutions to individual clients. Known as The Relationship Referee, Dr. Welenga’s coaching techniques have been very effective helping couples understand the importance of their needs, wants and desires. She assists men with issues of depression and anxiety, and helps women find their voices by helping them to cultivate their self-worth. Dr. Wielenga also provides maintenance coaching and consulting.