How many times have you been thrown a curve ball when you least expected it? Losing your job, divorce an unexpected health emergency, death of a loved one, family estrangements and more — all these can be devastating, scary and unexpected. There is an enormous adjustment to make, mainly because things are different and you are in a new situation you never experienced before. How can you find your peace so you can deal with the complexities of your new challenge?…
When your husband wants a divorce, but you don’t – you’re obviously not on the same page. As today’s guest blogger shares with us – this is a sign that it’s time to take a look at yourself before battling or accepting the divorce your husband wants:
Take a Look Inside
If you are presented with an unwanted divorce, accepting it is a process that does not come easily.
I suggest you take the opportunity to look at what is broken in your marriage and what part you have in it. By doing so, you work on the one thing you have control over… yourself.
As you grow and change, your spouse will choose to stay or go. Either way, you will have begun to acknowledge your own pain as well as your part in the broken relationship. Whether the marriage is salvaged or ended, this will serve you well.
A key to looking at your part in a broken marriage is to recognize your fears and triggers. These are the things that often have you acting in ways that increase the friction in your relationships.
By learning more about yourself instead of pointing the finger at your spouse, you begin to change old patterns and thereby change the ‘dance’. Issues of boundaries, communication and respect as well as behaviors that erode trust and love often will surface during this process.
Written By: Karen McMahon, Certified Divorce Coach, KM Life Coaching
These tips for introspection and self-improvement are perfect for anyone going through a divorce. Knowing yourself and identifying what you want from life can make the decisions you’re presented with much more clear.
You got divorced, now what?
The truth is you may not know what to do next.
Your emotions may range from anger to relief. And you may even experience the seven stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, guilt, depression and acceptance and hope.
When you have kids, you may worry about how they’ll cope. All of this worry stresses you out. It’s not good for your mind, body and soul.
The good news is that you can take your power back by not giving into the stress of your divorce. You can take control and deal with your situation in a healthy way. Listed below are tips to deal with the stress of your divorce.
Speak with a life coach and/or counselor
You may want to hire a life coach and/or counselor and speak about your divorce. You can get all of your feelings out and open within a safe environment and be given steps to de-stress from your divorce. You don’t have to deal with it on your own.
Join a divorce recovery group
Speaking with others who are or have experienced a divorce will give you a sense of camaraderie. For example, you may feel that you’re alone and no one understands what you’re going through or feeling. Being surrounded by those who can empathize and sympathize will help you heal and move forward with your life.
Surround yourself with understanding family and friends
Only surround yourself with thoughtful, gentle and kind family and friends. Those who judge you will add stress to your life. What you need are people who support you through good and bad times. When family and friends point their fingers or whisper behind your back, get away from them. You can easily find people who are willing to support you, no matter what.
Be kind to yourself
Do not beat yourself up over your divorce. It happens. In fact, it may have been the best decision for you and/or you and your kids. Do something nice for yourself such as getting a massage, mani-pedi, haircut and color or whatever it is that will ease the stress of your divorce. Make taking care of you and your emotional health a priority.
Go on a retreat
Maybe it’s time for you to get away. Book a retreat where you can clear your mind and hear yourself think. A retreat can be as simple as booking a hotel room for the week or weekend or signing up for a divorce recovery treat. Getting away can give you some perspective. Pack a journal and write down all of your thoughts – do not censor yourself. Allow your emotions to flow freely so you can clear out the old, stuck or negative energy surrounding your divorce.
Volunteer and give back
Believe it or not, volunteering can help you get through your divorce. For starters, you won’t be focused on the fact that you’re no longer married. You’ll be focused on helping your favorite nonprofit. You can get involved with events or donation drives. Meeting people and getting out of the house will be good for you. And… you never know who you’ll meet. You could meet someone who becomes a dear friend or something more.
Use the above ways to de-stress from your divorce. Give yourself plenty of time; you don’t have to rush the process. Take advantage of support groups and counseling because they’ll help you sort out your emotions. Also, read a couple of books on coping with divorce. Allow yourself to heal.
Written By: Amandah T. Blackwell, owner of Savvy-Writer
About the Author:
Amandah T. Blackwell, owner of Savvy-Writer, provides small and medium businesses and nonprofits with content writing and marketing and social media management, including: blog copy writing (SEO), article writing, eBooks, marketing writing (newsletters, e-blasts, press releases, etc.), web pages, ghost writing, creative writing and travel writing. She’s the author of several books and writes for The Huffington Post.